Friday, August 31, 2007

Movie props redux ... Thanks to Whitney Matheson

USA Today entertainment blogger, Whitney Matheson, whose Pop Candy is sweet enough for a cavity, named 10 great movie props in her posting Aug. 27, which can be viewed here. The list — which included Indiana Jones’ tan fedora, the rug that “really tied the room together” in The Big Lebowski and Darth Vader’s lightsaber — included all the heavyweights, as well as some lightweights, like Steve Martin’s paddle-ball game from The Jerk.

At the end she challenged readers to make their own list. Here you go, Whitney. As for my own readers, the few of you out there, I challenge you to produce your own list for me, or on Whitney’s page.
Here is my list:


10. Raiders’ idol — Whitney was right when picking an Indiana Jones prop, but I would have picked the whip before the hat, and the gold idol from Raiders of the Lost Ark before the whip. The idol is the better choice because it was in such a defining and iconic moment within the franchise. But really the entire franchise has great props: Coronado's cross, the older Dr. Jones' grail diary, the Holy Grail, the whip, the hat, the messenger bag, the empty holster, those diamond-filled stones, that poison antidote, the pendant worn by Marion Ravenwood ... you could just go on and on with the props.

9. Blondie’s poncho — Clint Eastwood’s Mexican poncho that appeared in the so-called “Man With No Name” Spaghetti Western movies is one of the great movie costumes. Darth Vader’s ensemble was cool, but it’s overall size would make displaying it difficult. Bogart’s overcoats were nice, but too typical for this list. I do like the white suit worn by Don Fanuchi in The Godfather Part II, but again it’s too big. Blondie’s poncho is perfect.

8. Two guns — One is Little Ralphie’s Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle from A Christmas Story. ‘Nuff said. The second is Dirty Harry’s .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world. Really ‘nuff said. If you owned both pieces you could stage mock fights in your backyard, where you could quote "you'll shoot your eye out" and "make my day" until your trigger fingers got cramps. (I should also mention some other guns that would fit in quite well in this entry: the machine gun in The Wild Bunch, the Joker's super-long handgun in Batman, the leg-gun from Planet Terror in Grindhouse, or that flame thrower from that Ripley uses to slow roast bug scum in Aliens.)

7. Groundhog’s alarm clock — I realized after I had already titled my No. 7 entry that the No. 7 entry no longer exists because in Groundhog Day it was smashed, thrown, beaten and generally abused each morning as Bill Murray awoke to the same exact day. But who cares? It’s a great piece of movie memorabilia and there’s got to be an original one.


6. Pulp Fiction’s case — Much debate has gone on about the contents of Marcellus Wallace’s briefcase, from which a gold shower of lights spills from when opened. Is it Marcellus’ soul, Elvis suit, gold coins … what we’ll never know. And Jules and Vincent won’t tell either. I’d love to actually own the prop but have it welded shut just so I can have people look at it and watch as they vainly attempt to open it to discover Pulp Fiction’s secret.


5. Letters of transit — They’re rarely seen on screen in Casablanca but those damned letters of transit crush Rick’s world when they show up and then again when they leave on a plane in Ilsa’s hands. I think something like that would look sweet framed above your TV. What's strange is how they become MacGuffins, the term associated with Hitchcock movies, in which there is an object that everyone wants but serves no purpose to the plot. I honestly couldn't tell you what those letters look like, but because they create such chaos in Rick's life they will always be remembered. What would be sad is if the papers turned up and all they had on them was Bogey's Chinese take-out order. That reminds me of another good prop: that diaper worn by baby Superman, the same diaper that Marlon Brando supposedly wrote his lines on so he wouldn't forget. It would make a great prop, unless of course that baby deposited anything inside it, which is more than likely the case.

4. Cool Hand Luke’s sunglasses — Paul Newman spent many a day outside in Cool Hand Luke, but he never wore sunglasses. Instead they were worn by the non-speaking guard who terrorizes Luke with his presence. I’d love to go back and count the seconds that those glasses are on the screen. But if I owned them I wouldn’t wear them. That “world shaker” Luke wouldn’t have worn them. After all, they were worn by a man Luke spit in the face of with each escape attempt. Notice the end of the film, in the darkness and he still wears those damn sunglasses. Even as Luke is shot in a total "failure to communicate" those shades blacken out the eyes of the devil himself.

3. Two swords — Which two swords? Either Toshirô Mifune’s extra-long samurai sword in Seven Samurai or a Hattori Hanzo sword from Quentin Tarantino’s Kill Bill. Either would be a sweet piece of movie memorabilia. With Mifune’s sword, you get about five feet of cold hard steel — you can dice vegetables with it, go spear fishing, compete professionally at pole vaulting or disembowel your foes from across zip codes. Also, middle-age men can use the phallic shape to emphasize their dwindling manhood. As for the Hanzo sword, it will just look pimp on your wall.

2. The Maltese Falcon — Bogart has two items on this list and this gem-crusted little bird gets a higher (actually lower) placing only because the entire damn movie is spent attaining it. And even when private-eye Sam Spade does get the mythical relic in his cool paws he’s still far from having it — after all, it’s a fake. A few years ago one of the prop birds used for Falcon’s publicity photos with Bogey was stolen from a San Franciscan restaurant and presumably never recovered. If the thief has ever seen the movie, then he (or she) should know that it is cursed. Duh!

1. Rosebud — Steven Spielberg supposedly owns the original, which proves his coolness right there (who needs Jaws when you have freakin’ Rosebud?!?!). Rosebud, of course, is the wooden sled Charles Foster Kane calls out in his last breath at the beginning and end of Citizen Kane, Orson Welles’ masterpiece. The sled, based on one interpretation, is the innocence Kane lost when his mother gave up her parental rights and signed little Charlie over to the bank, thus replacing the need for warmth and compassion with greed and alienation. Who knew sledding was so damaging?

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Good Cop/Bad Cop: The Fuzz on Film

Cops have always had a place on the big screen, from early nourish detective stories and pulpy thrillers to modern action films and buddy pictures. And then there’s The Naked Gun, a cop movie that defies all conventions.


This Friday, with the release of Superbad, the movie cop will get another definition entirely: cops are rejected losers masking their social inabilities with a badge, a gun and a power trip at every call.

In celebration of movie cops, here is a list of good ones and bad ones for you to ponder until your next speeding ticket.
Michael Clawson

 

Good Cop

 

Harry Callahan, Dirty Harry

Rank: Inspector, 1971-1988
Police record: Consistent debate continues on how Harry Callahan became so dirty, but it may have something to do with him bashing in the heads of innocent-until-proven-guilty perps, shooting without provocation and an all-around bad attitude. Still, dirty or not, he gets the job done on the streets of San Francisco.
Quote: “Go ahead, make my day” or “A man’s got to know his limitations.”
Required viewing: The good inspector’s menacing reveal in Dirty Harry, where he blasts bank robbers with his .44 Magnum, “the most powerful handgun in the world.” It gave us the phrase, “Do I feel lucky?” … punk.

 

Captain Renault, Casablanca

Rank: Captain, 1942
Police record: Everyone makes a big deal about Rick’s sacrifice for poor ol’ Ilsa, but they neglect the real hero in Casablanca, puppet police official and would-be Nazi henchman Captain Renault (Claude Rains), who turns out to be good after all when he shoots Major Strasser on the jetway.
Quote: “Ricky, I’m going to miss you. Apparently you’re the only one in Casablanca with less scruples than I.”
Required viewing: Captain Renault and Rick sharing an intimate moment — the beginnings of a “beautiful friendship” — over the steaming corpse of a Nazi stooge.

 

Serpico

Rank: Officer, 1973
Police record: Frank Serpico (Al Pacino) was no hero cop, but he stood up against all the bad cops, and that has a lot of pull on this list. If there’s anything that makes you hate police, it’s the cops that think they own the world because they wear a badge. Serpico tried to change all that.
Quote: “The reality is that we do not wash our own laundry — it just gets dirtier.”
Required viewing: The facial hair. It appears halfway through and gets out of control by the film’s end. At one point his own colleagues don’t recognize him.

 

RoboCop

Rank: Officer, 1987-1993
Police record: Born from the bits of flesh leftover from a dead cop, RoboCop exists in a state of perpetual crime prevention, with a rapid-fire gun in his hip and every law encoded in his green-tinted visor.
Quote: “Dead or alive, you’re coming with me.”
Required viewing: Two thugs attempt to assault a woman in downtown Detroit. RoboCop subdues one with a trick shot through the woman’s skirt.

 

John McClane, Die Hard

Rank: Detective, 1988-2007
Police record: Wily and unpredictable, and always in the wrong place at the wrong time, John McClane (Bruce Willis) did things his own way, which usually meant blowing things up around the holidays.
Quote: “Welcome to the party, pal.” (We can’t print the best one)
Required viewing: McClane surgically operating on a guy’s kneecaps with a submachine gun in a famous boardroom scene in the original Die Hard.

 

Don Orville, 3rd Rock From the Sun

Rank: Officer, 1996-2001
Police record: He wasn’t in a movie — 3rd Rock was TV, great TV — but Don Orville (Wayne Knight) is one of the great televisions cops. He rarely made arrests, couldn’t pass a physical, succumbed to the donut stereotype and often used his job to impress one rather leggy girlfriend. Now that’s a cop!
Quote: “Sally, I’m a cop. I’ve got keen instincts. And right now, my instincts are telling me that … I don’t know what the hell is going on.”
Required viewing: Don and Dick (John Lithgow) playing good cop/bad cop on a suspect. It fails, so they then try bad cop/good cop, bad cop/bad cop and good cop/good cop to no avail.

 

Popeye Doyle, The French Connection

Rank: Detective, 1971-1975
Police record: The short-fused Jimmy “Popeye” Doyle wasn’t the nicest or most non-discriminatory cop, but he got the job done except for that guy with the French connections.
Quote: “All right, Popeye’s here! Get your hands on your heads, get off the bar, and get on the wall.”
Required viewing: Popeye stripping a car for dope. Check the rocker panels, Popeye.

 

Frank Drebin, The Naked Gun

Rank: Lieutenant, 1982-1994
Police record: Bumbling fool Frank Drebin was no great cop, but somehow he always caught the bad guy, even if it was by accident. He often violated police procedure and basic civil rights — he thought Miranda Rights was a person — yet in a spoof his ineptitude clicked in all the right places.
Quote: “Wilma, I promise you, whatever scum did this, not one man on this force will rest one minute until he’s behind bars. Now, let’s grab a bite to eat.”
Required viewing: Drebin excuses himself from a police press conference to go to the restroom … and forgets to take off his wireless microphone!

 

 

Bad Cop

 

Chief Wiggum, The Simpsons

Rank: Police Chief, 1989-present
Police record: Dim-bulb Wiggum puts all other cops to shame. He openly profiles the people of Springfield, uses his department-issued pistol for cracking nuts, abuses taxpayer money and regularly accepts bribes (his badge reads “cash bribes only”). Don’t even get me started on his son, little Ralphie Wiggum.
Quote: “All right, Simpson, you just bought yourself a 417, pointing out police stupidity. Or is that a 413? No, a 413 is a dog and … um … you’re in trouble, pal.”
Required viewing: The episode “Homer’s Triple Bypass” features an extensive COPS parody with Wiggum and his officers failing to catch any real crooks.

 

Hank Quinlan, Touch of Evil

Rank: Captain, 1958
Police record: Bloated and drunk Hank Quinlan (Orson Welles) was more of a slob than a bad cop. Packing his face with fatty foods and whiskey, Quinlan only took time away from his slow demise to frame suspected criminals and belittle Mexicans living near the US border. He meets his end in front of his only friend, a man he betrayed through the whole film.
Quote: “I don’t speak Mexican.”
Required viewing: The frantic and dizzying sequence in a hotel room where Quinlan plants dynamite in a bathroom and verbally and physically harasses a couple who may not be guilty.

 

The cops of Superbad

Rank: Officers, 2007
Police record: Officers Slater and Michaels (Seth Rogen and Bill Hader) obviously don’t care. Why else would they have a drunken shoot-off on a city street with an underage teen with a fake ID? Besides that, they also fake police reports, use the breathalyzer machine as their own arcade game, abuse police privileges in bars and restaurants, and use their cruiser for a makeshift demolition derby.
Quote: Officer Michaels breaking up a party: “We assume you all have crack and guns.”
Required viewing: The two cops actually believing a teen’s fake ID, even as the name on the altered license reads McLovin’.

 

Norman Stansfield, Léon

Rank: DEA agent, 1994
Police record: Stansfield is a madman — plain and simple. The crooked narcotic agent loves his classical music (Mozart and Beethoven), his under-the-table drug deals and frightening outbursts of explosive violence. Here’s a man so unhinged from society even his medication has stopped working.
Quote: “I like these calm little moments before the storm. It reminds me of Beethoven.”
Required viewing: A hitman. A belt of grenades. A handful of pins. Boom!

 

Officer Alonzo Harris, Training Day

Rank: Officer, 2001
Police record: Officer Alonzo (Denzel Washington, in an Oscar-winning role) opened up a scary world of gangs, corruption and drug trafficking, all within the Los Angeles Police Department. Scary thing is, we didn’t need a movie to tell us that.
Quote: “To protect the sheep you gotta catch the wolf, and it takes a wolf to catch a wolf.”
Required viewing: Alonzo giving his famous King Kong speech to gangbangers.

 

T-1000, Terminator 2: Judgment Day

Rank: Officer (and Skynet machine), 1991
Police record: Sent back in time to dispose of a rebel leader while he’s a teen, the T-1000 has no heart, no soul and no sense of duty as a cop. That’s because he’s made of shape-shifting liquid metal. He begins the film killing a cop and taking his form. He’s one of the few movie cops who actually wears a police uniform as opposed to a trenchcoat and tie.
Quote: Pickings are slim because he rarely talks, but here’s one inside a helicopter: “Get out.”
Required viewing: The T-1000 commandeering a semi and ramming it off an overpass is pretty sweet.

 

Will Teasle, Rambo: First Blood

Rank: Sheriff, 1982
Police record: Teasle was probably a good sheriff before ex-special forces commando John Rambo wandered into his sleepy hamlet. Then Teasle (Brian Dennehy) had to go get all rough on the Vietnam vet. Rambo just retaliated. (A similar cop would be Sterling Hayden’s Godfather cop, Captain McKluskey, who single handedly, literally, started a mob legacy in Michael Corleone)
Quote: “Whatever possessed God in heaven to make a man like Rambo?”
Required viewing: Teasle whining and carrying on with Rambo’s handler, Col. Trautman. Teasle asks: “Are you telling me that 200 of our men against your boy is a no-win situation for us?” Yesiree, sheriff.

 

The police in The Blues Brothers

Rank: Mostly officers, some sergeants, captain and chiefs, 1980
Police record: These guys weren’t so much bad cops as just bad drivers. Modern police practice dictates “no high-speed chases through shopping malls.” Apparently that rule wasn’t in place in 1980 as Chicago’s finest destroy cruiser after cruiser chasing Jake and Elwood.
Quote: “Hut, hut, hut, hut, hut.”
Required viewing: The finale of the film, in which the police are joined by an army, to arrest the Blues Brothers.

Honorable Mentions
Here are two actors who’ve played cops on more than one occasion:
Ray Liotta Hero Wanted, Smokin’ Aces, Identity, John Q, Narc, Cop Land, Unlawful Entry, Hannibal
Harvey KeitelThelma & Louise, Bad Lieutenant, National Treasure, Rising Sun, Cop Land, Clockers, Red Dragon