Avast, you wretched maggots! Put down that grog. Strike the
colors. Hoist the main sail. Secure the rigging. Let the brass cannons roar.
Once more unto the breach, my dear scallywags!
And you thought we were done with pirates?! I won't slap irons on
your mitts or throw you in the brig for thinking pirates retired from the
cinema, especially after Jack Sparrow — that
salty pirate dog! — turned in a scurvy last performance in the most
mediocre Pirates movie, On Stranger Tides, one I wouldn't pick
over Captain Blood (or even Cutthroat Island
No, the pirates have returned, and this time in clay. Or
plasticine. Or whatever they're doing stop-motion movies in nowadays. It looks
like bakery fondant to me.
The Pirates! Band of
Misfits might be the cheeriest film so far this year. It made me smile and
smile and smile. It also continuously surprised me: the way it worked in little
jokes around the edges of the bigger ones, the way it hid little nuggets of
humor in the background and the way it exaggerated, to the point of parody,
every element of pirate culture. You've seen a man with a hook on his hand, or
peg on his leg, but have you seen a man with a cork where his nose should be?
What about a wooden elbow? Neither had I.
The film stars The Pirate Captain. That's his name, and I'm
pretty sure if he could produce a birth certificate, on the back of a treasure
map perhaps, it would prove it. Pirate Captain and his band of pirate droogs — ol'
cork-nose, an albino teen, a British deserter and a woman pretending to be a
man — are storming the high seas (and low ones) looking for gold booty. They
don't really crave wealth, just a prized Pirate of the Year trophy that's given
annually to the pirate who does the craziest pirate stunts. At the trophy
party, one pirate arrives inside the mouth of a captured whale like a rock-star
Ahab.
Pirate Captain is in for a tough competition, but he thinks he
found an inside scoop when he discovers his chubby parrot is actually the last
remaining dodo bird in existence. The bird brings the attention of Charles
Darwin — a risky joke in a country where Darwin
and science are being written out of school textbooks — and his scene-stealing human-like
monkey called Manpanzee. Also turning up is Queen Victoria, who is a member of
a foodie club that eats rare creatures. Her menu has a space for Dodo Delights
somewhere between the Panda Face Fritters and Pygmy Elephant Nuggets. Don't
tell me these plot elements aren't making you smile.
Band of Misfits was
made by the British studio Aardman Animation, the company that previously gave
us Chicken Run and Wallace & Gromit. I adore this
studio and their high-functioning brand of creativity. There are no lulls in
their films, just wave after wave of brilliant imagination. And they really jam
it in, too, so much so that no two viewers will notice the same things. I
noticed the name on one boat, the Napoleon Blownapart, that a colleague missed
completely. And he noticed a gag about a peg-leg replacement store that I
missed. There are hundreds of delightful little touches like this peppered
throughout Pirates that it feels less
like a film and more like a comedy scavenger hunt. My personal favorite was the
cannonball delivery system that resembled a classic skee ball machine.
Two or three months without movies this exhilarating and I start
to grow bored and frustrated with Hollywood .
How many ways do I really need to see robots crush cities? If it's not Transformers 1-3 (a fourth is on its way
soon), then it's Battleship or The Avengers. Those movies have
spectacle for sure, but no pluckiness and heart. Do yourself a big favor and go
see The Pirates! Band of Misfits,
with or without your children. You will not see more creative filmmaking this
summer.
Author's Note: I love these photos so, what the hell, I'm going to include all of them. Here they are. They're all clickable. More after the jump.
